NOVEMBER PLAYWRITING CHALLENGE

November 20-23

PROMPT Snark: THE IDEA OF WEASELS, EITHER METAPHORICALLY OR PHYSICALLY

SCENE 

(The setting is a suburban living room. MARK and ANN are setting up for company.)

MARK

Do you know what they drink? Do we know if they drink? 

ANN

Are you seriously concerned with being a good host right now? We’re not throwing a cocktail party, this is an intervention.

MARK

I mean we invited them over so we at least have to pretend it’s a party until we lay it out on the table. How was Ash when you left their room? 

ANN

Still pretty hysterical but they calmed down eventually. I just can’t believe anyone would do this?

MARK

Even the fact that this is something that kids are able to do is ridiculous. Remember when we were in high school, we could get pretty rowdy but we couldn’t concoct something that looked that real. 

ANN

Of all the things I would think I would have to protect my child from, AI deep fakes was not on my list. So what’s our game plan? Play nice at first and then let them have it? I’m obviously the good cop.

MARK

What are you talking about I’m the good cop.

ANN

That’s ridiculous. Can we both be good cops?

MARK

That seems highly unlikely, when have you seen 2 good cops anywhere?

ANN

Careful we’re not in the city any more.

MARK

What? We move to the suburbs and suddenly I have to get a “Blue Lives Matter” lower back tattoo?

ANN

Don’t joke about that. You don’t have the ass for that.

MARK

Now who’s joking around?

ANN

Enough. This is a united front. We’ve never met these people before. We’re the new family in town with a trans child. We’ve caught a boy in their class making these deep fake videos of Ash. 

MARK

The school did suspend the boy. 

ANN

For 3 days? Next week Ash is going to have to face Peter again in their class, in the hallway, knowing that this person did these horrendous videos.

MARK

So we’re going to ask them to talk to Peter, to see if this comes from an anti trans place or why he would do it? I think getting to know the parents is a good start. 

(The doorbell rings.)

ANN

They’re here already! Mark get the door while I check on the charcuterie platter. 

MARK

(Under his breath while he answers the door)

Yeah because salted meats will certainly make this less awkward. Hello there! Welcome to our home!

(In inters LANCE and CHRIS, Peter’s parents. They are a gay couple in their 40s.)

LANCE

Hello, I’m Lance

CHRIS

I’m Chris. Thank you for having us in your… 

(Looks around judging. Really has to muster the compliment.)

Beautiful house. 

MARK

Thank you for coming! Will Peter’s mother be joining us?

LANCE

(Lance and Mark look at each other.)

We’re Peter’s parents. We’re married.

MARK

Ohhh! I didn’t realize you were…Welcome to our home! 

ANN

(emerging from the kitchen with a curdite platter. Hostess voice on.)

Hello hello! Welcome to our home!

MARK

Ann, they’re two men who are married!

ANN

(What is the matter with you.)

Oh lovely. So nice to meet you…

LANCE

Lance

CHRIS

Chris

ANN

Won’t you sit down?

(They all sit down on the couch and chairs.)

Red wine? White wine? Cocktail? 

LANCE

We both drink white wine.

CHRIS

We wouldn’t want to stain this beautiful couch. 

(Ann pours wine. They all sit down. Mark looks absolutely lost. He didn’t prep mentally for gay parents.)

ANN

Well after everything that happened at school with our kids we thought the best next step was for us to sit down, get to know each other, and talk about what happened and why. 

LANCE

Thank you for not vilifying us. You can imagine it’s hard to be the only gay parents in the school, as parents to a LGBTQIA child. 

MARK

Of course I can see that, which is why I’m honestly shocked that Peter would resort to what he did.

CHRIS

Well Ash isn’t totally innocent in all this…

ANN

Let’s not go to 100 right off the bat. Again let’s all get to know each other first. So where are you boys from?

LANCE

I’m from Syracuse.

CHRIS

Suburban Chicago.

ANN

Well that’s a coincidence we’re from Chicago!

MARK

What high school did you go to.

CHRIS

Evanston High School.

ANN

Oh my God that’s where we went too! What year did you graduate?

CHRIS

2002.

ANN

We graduated in 2000, but that would mean we were there at the same time.

CHRIS

I don’t remember your last name.

MARK

Oh we made up a new last name when we got married. We didn’t want to support the patriarchy by making Ann take my name but we wanted the family to have the same name. I was Mark Taylor and Ann’s last name was Smith.

CHRIS

(recognition on his face.)

I’m Chris Abernathy. But you might remember me as “Gay little freshman” which is what you and your group of friends used to call me.

ANN

I don’t think we would ever call someone…

MARK

Oh my God, I remember you. Did you sing all the parts of “Seasons of Love” for the talent show?

CHRIS

Bingo that was me.

ANN

(really grasping at straws.)

But you were gay, so calling you a gay freshmen wasn’t really like making fun of you.

CHRIS

I wasn’t out yet, that wasn’t your place to decide to call me that.

ANN

Do we get credit for calling it though?

(pause)

Not funny I guess. It’s not like we called you the “F” word at least?

CHRIS

Maybe not you, but people in your group did. Someone wrote “faggot” on my locker at least once a marking period. 

MARK

But that wasn’t us.

LANCE

You are who you associate with.

MARK

Yes, I will give you that we should have stuck up for you, I’ve very sorry we didn’t do that. But we never called you a slur. 

ANN

Everyone is trying to make their way in high school. They’re trying to find out their moral compass and their values. And sometimes they stumble, which we unfortunately did. I can assure you if we were in a social situation now where something terrible like that was happening we would not be complacent. Especially having a trans child. 

MARK

Yes, let’s not forget how we got this reunion. Your son went around posting a terrible video about Ash.

ANN

It was filthy, they were naked and they were simulating…God I can’t even say it. 

LANCE

How well do you know Ash?

ANN

What are  you talking about?

CHRIS

Did you know that they and Peter had been together?

MARK

That can’t be right. Ash would have told us.

CHRIS

…maybe you haven’t become harbingers of gay rights after all.

ANN

For how long?

CHRIS

Since October, according to Peter. They were in the same theatre class in the fall. They did a scene from Romeo and Juliet together. Peter was telling Ash about how good the 90s version was.

ANN

That fishtanks scene is half the reason for my unrealistic expectations of romance.

LANCE

It’s a masterpiece we were very happy when we showed it to him and he loved it.

CHRIS

Peter told them about how Mercurio was trans in that version and how they should see it. So Peter invited Ash over to our house and we noticed from that time on they were spending a lot more time together. So we asked finally if it was something more than friendship. 

LANCE

Peter was cagy about it at first but finally told us that they were together but Ash didn’t want to be public about it.

MARK

But why? Was he afraid what we would say?

LANCE

It wasn’t the express reason, though Ash mentioned that they had already made your lives harder by coming out as trans, throwing another curve ball at you seemed cruel.

ANN

All we want is for them to be happy.

CHRIS

The more prevalent reason was that the school was just starting to get used to Ash as non binary, Ash didn’t want to reset the clock and get sideway glances all over again. Who can blame them I guess? They didn’t know if this was going to be a serious relationship.

 LANCE

And Peter isn’t expressly out either. He says he’s bi, and though it’s a lot easier than when we were in high school to associate yourself that way, it’s still not the easiest thing to be. 

MARK

Yeah I remember you really had to pick a lane in the 2000s. You could be gay and maybe that would be fine, or you could be straight.

(Makes Yay sign with his arms.)

Score one for me…not funny I guess. 

ANN

So what I don’t understand is that if they were in a relationship, why did Peter make that awful video about Ash. Did they break up or have a fight or something? 

LANCE

Not that I know of. Though I don’t know how much they’ve talked since the suspension. 

ANN

I can’t believe this is happening. We invited over the parents of our child’s bully to find  not only a secret relationship they’re having but are also having a fucking high school where we’re the devil. 

CHRIS

This isn’t exactly what we expected either. Do you know what it’s like as gay parents, to have your son suspended as an anti-trans ass hole when in fact he is queer and in love for the first time.

MARK

Wow wow wow, who said anything about love?

LANCE

It’s true.

CHRIS

Have you actually looked at the video? 

ANN

We have, it was depraved and non consensual.

LANCE

How would you know that? 

ANN

Ash told us…

MARK

Well not exactly, they’ve just been crying non stop since not happened. They haven’t said much at all. 

LANCE

Peter made the video because he thought Ash would like it. Peter used AI to show a body for Ash that doesn’t currently exist. That mirrors more closely what they want to see when they look in the mirror.

CHRIS

But then another student saw it and freaked out and we think the whole thing got out of hand. 

ANN

I didn’t even notice what it looked like I was just so appalled to see my child like that.

MARK 

Can we really not know our kid at all? 

END