NOVEMBER PLAYWRITING CHALLENGE

November 1: Not Love/Too Late 

Here’s two lines of dialogue:

“Don’t be looking at me like that.  That’s not what’s happening here.  Don’t go falling in love with me.” “Too Late”

SCENE 1

(We are in in a dilapidated theatre. It’s really worn down. In the center is a trunk that says “The Magnificent Mason, featuring the fabulous Elise” In walks Mason Harper, a magician, who is also very worn down. He walks into the theatre and looks at the trunk. He takes a flask out of his pocket. Takes a swig. Considers, then goes over to the trunk and starts kicking it over and over again.)

MASON

FUCK!! 

(He pauses. He goes and gets a table and a chair and sits down at one side of the stage. In walks Agnes, She’s a grandmother type of around 70.)

AGNES

Well that’s not very proper.

MASON

I’m in the magic trade, not aristocracy. Can I help you? 

(Agnes looks down at a piece of paper she takes out of her pocket. She’s nervous.)

AGNES

Is this 45 Prather Drive, the theatre of “The Magnificent Mason and his partner Elise”?

MASON

Ex partner

AGNES

I meant business partner. 

MASON

Business partner, partner in this shitty life. She’s gone. 

AGNES

Oh dear that seems to be very painful for you. Did she give proper notice?

MASON

I don’t think there’s proper notice to be had when you catch your girl in bed with your best friend.

AGNES

(Quiet)

No I don’t think there is. But my dear Bill used to say for every painful door, a window opens. I’m Agnes Walker.

MASON

If there was a window here right now I’d jump out of it. 

AGNES

Well that’s encouraging. 

MASON

Is that what you’re here for? To hype me up in my power of need.

AGNES

Well in a way of sorts. You see I’m here to audition to be your new assistant. TA DAH!

MASON

(Incredulous)

You can’t be serious. I told my interim business manager…

AGNES

He has your last name and I could have sworn I heard a school bell in the background when I called him.

MASON

He is…my nephew and he’s just finishing up school…middle school. Listen I’m floundering right now can you lay off me. 

AGNES

I’m here to help! To assist! I’ll be your new beautiful assistant. 

MASON

Just how old are you?

AGNES

You should know better than to ask a lady her age. I’ll be 75 next August. 

MASON

This is all I need, Dorothy Zbornack as my new assistant. My reputation is shit as it is. Larry (my ex  best friend) is the head of the local magician’s council and he’s been ragging on me so hard since Elise  left. This will wreck everything. It’s not going to happen. I’ll just wait for the rest of the people who are going to audition and you’ll be on your way. 

AGNES

(Faux ashamed)

Oh dear. I’m afraid that no one is coming.  You see people tend to believe sweet little old ladies and I told everyone else that showed up I had lost my cat about 2 miles away and they’re all out looking. They took all their stuff. Mr. Mason I don’t have a cat.

MASON

Why would you do that I have a show tomorrow!

AGNES 

Well I’m here and I’m ready. 

MASON

For what the early bird special at the retirement community?!

AGNES

Don’t be looking at me like that.  That’s not what’s happening here.  Don’t go falling in love with me. You know I’ll be a sensation.

MASON

That is the opposite of what is happening. You’ll be a sensation when you break  your hip trying to do the ole saw a lady in half trick!

AGNES

I’ll  have you know I already broke my hip and they replaced it with a titanium one that’ll last me another 25 years. Your Elise couldn’t do what I do with my ole bionic hip. 

MASON

I think she could she was double jointed.

AGNES

And a hell of a lot of good that’s doing you know. Larry’s enjoying that view from here on in.

MASON

(He’s annoyed)

That is so not the point of this and you know it.

AGNES

Then what is the point? I am an applicant to a job. You need someone. Age is a protected class you know? I got rights. 

MASON

I suppose so. So did you prepare an audition. I asked for a five minute set of what you can do.

AGNES

Get ready to be wowed. 

(Agnes goes into her large carpet bag and pulls out a bluetooth speaker, a pack of cards, and a bunch of other small sleight of hand tricks. She proceeds to play Donna Summer’s Hot Stuff and  parade around the room doing her act with awkward finesse. She’s hitting her marks but it’s really not sexy.)

MASON

Ok ok, STOP.

AGNES

(She stops. She’s out of breath.)

I haven’t done my grand finale.

MASON

I fear that will lead to one, or both of us, leaving in a body bag. Agnes, why do you want to do this? 

AGNES

(Dejected)

You’re not the only one who’s lost something you know. My Bill died about 2 years ago. And I just didn’t know what to do. I had lost my identity. Everything I was was wrapped up in him. Then one day I’m home alone with only a cat to keep me company. The magic had gone out of my life. 

MASON

(Softer)

I know what you mean…Elise being gone. I have nothing. Not even my work to fall back into. I have to look at her name filled with superlatives on all of our stuff. How am I going to replace her?

AGNES

True love can’t be replaced. That’s why it’s important to get back in the game with new moxie. Mason…I am your moxie. 

MASON

I haven’t heard anyone use that word since my mentor William Walker back in the 80s.

AGNES

(softly)

Bill

MASON

Wait! Your William’s wife! I don’t know how I didn’t recognize you.

AGNES

It’s been many years. When I saw that Elise left the act I thought this was the opportunity to get out of my funk and feel closer to Bill by being part of the work he loved. By being with the students he cared about.

MASON

But this is hard work and I’m still going to get laughed at.

AGNES

Might I remind you I’m on the magician’s board my marriage. I could get you bookings that would make Larry and Elise drool at. 

MASON

(He contemplates)

Oh then…for Bill. Go big and go different. 

AGNES

Just try not to fall in love with me.

MASON

Too late. 

THE END