(The setting is a row of theatre seats. At the start of the scene. There is currently only one person in the row. Margaret. She gets on her cell phone.)
MARGARET
No they’re not here yet. Why am I always the first one anywhere, it’s been 10 years why won’t anyone surprise me and show up first? Thanks, love. I know you can’t wait to meet them but I need to make sure the time is right. And a dingy off off broadway theatre being made to watch “culture” under duress isn’t the time.
(Mary enters)
MARY
I’m late I’m sorry. The subways are always a mess…but that would be news to you because you take cars everywhere.
MARGARET
Are you saying the only reason I manage to be on time is because of my socio economic status?
MARY
I’m not digging at you it’s just a fact that having to rely on the subway system puts you at a disadvantage and should mean that you can never be considered “late” again.
MARGARET
(Not buying it.)
Sure. I have to go. Hangs up phone.
MARY
(Sitting down and getting comfortable. She starts to read the playbill.)
Well here we are, another of Josi’s plays. I hope this one is better than the last one. Who were you on the phone with?
MARGARET
No one.
MARY
Well you were obviously talking to someone. Your mom? A boy? Is there a new guy in your life tell me about him!
MARGARET
No it’s not a boy, and I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about it until I know more about what any of it means.
MARY
Cryptic.
(In enters Tristan.)
TRISTAN
I know I’m late but the show hasn’t started yet so I’m considering it a win. I can only imagine who was here first.
MARGARET
Since when is being early considered a grave offense? When did me being a responsible adult start being annoying.
TRISTAN
I guess I don’t need to know who was here first now I guess. No Margaret no one hates you for living like an amish person. The rest of us just can’t live up to your unflappable image.
MARGARET
It is hard being this perfect.
TRISTAN
So what is this one about?
MARY
In what I’ve read so far it takes place in a post apocalyptic word that which the remaining humans are procreating with robots.
TRISTAN
Sounds sexy.
MARGARET
Can we all go and get a drink after this?
MARY
So you can tell us about your new boy?
TRISTAN
She has a new boy? Meet cute at the barn raising.
MARGARET
I’m not amish that’s not funny. Come on. I just haven’t seen my best friends in a minute and I want to catch up.
MARY
Sure kitten. We can get a drink after.
(A man approaches the group.)
MAN
Are you Tristan O’Connor? I’m such a fan of your work. Your last exhibit at the Whitney really inspired me.
TRISTAN
It’s nice to know that people still go to art exhibits, that I’m not just doing it to give my mother something to brag about when her friends ask me why I’m not married.
MAN
You’re brilliant…can I buy you a drink?
TRISTAN
Sure, we’re going out after this play can you meet us there?
MAN
Sure!
(The house lights start to fade)
I’ll catch up with you at intermission.
MARGARET
I said I wanted to catch up! Now you’ve invited that strange man to come gawk at you and we’ll get no quality time in at all!
TRISTAN
We’ll have someone pick up the drinks for us, isn’t that what being single in this city is all about?
MARY
I hate to interrupt this but I think we should pay attention to this play, if that’s what this is.
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A cross between Iris Apfel, Miriam Margoles, Lucille Ball. But I am a devoted maximalist through and through. Although, as another inspiration once said
Style—all who have it share one thing: originality.
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