PROMPT: “SCENARIO: YOU KIDNAPPED SOMEONE BUT THEY TURN OUT TO BE SOMEONE YOU KNOW FROM HIGH SCHOOL”
(We’re in a bank. A robbery has just happened.There are hostages.)
TED
(On the phone.)
I want $10,000,000 delivered to me now or all these hostages get it. Oh and I don’t want one of those dye packs…oh and also make sure the bills are unmarked…and a getaway car and I…yeah I also want a private plane to…Mexico…a private plane to Mexico.
LAURA
(A hostage, under her breath.)
You should do somewhere in South America. America has an extradition treaty with Mexico.
TED
(dumbfounded)
Make that a private plane to…a country in South America. Which one?
(Stubling)
LAURA
Can you not even think of a country in South America? How about Peru?
TED
Peru…I want a private plane to Peru. And I want it now!
(Hangs up.)
LAURA
So is this your first bank robbery?
TED
Is it that obvious?
LAURA
A little bit, yeah. I’m Laura.
TED
I’m Ted….oh I should not have told you that.
LAURA
How long have you been planning this?
TED
It may surprise you that this was a bit spur of the moment. I was in therapy 2 days ago and she kept telling me “Ted you play it too safe, you need to get outside of your comfort zone. Do something daring!” So here I am.
LAURA
You couldn’t have joined a pickleball league or something?
TED
I thought about how there aren’t as many bank robberies as there used to be, so I’m getting my name and face out there.
LAURA
Hopefully not your face and real name. Didn’t you think about maybe wearing a mask?
TED
I did but all the ones I could fine were either too scary or just did not have the circulation I needed. Confined spaces set my anxiety off.
LAURA
Wait till you see a prison cell. Maybe bank robbery wasn’t the best thing for your anxiety either.
TED
Well every new experience is an opportunity. So what brought you into the bank today?
LAURA
Oh I wanted to speak to someone in person about an error in my overdraft fees.
TED
You didn’t overdraft your account
LAURA
Oh I did but there’s supposed to be a cap on the number of times they can charge you the $25 fee and I reached that last week and they keep charging me!
TED
(He finds her charming yet insane.)
How could they do a thing like that? Well I hope I haven’t inconvenienced you, making you a hostage
LAURA
Are you kidding me? I had been looking for any excuse to not be at my boring job. Though I don’t know how long this will go on for. Is this gun even real.
TED
Yes! I bought it at one of those auctions.
LAURA
Do you know how to fire it?
TED
Good enough…
LAURA
That invoked confidence.
VOICE
Your car is here. Will you release the hostages.
TED
I’ll release all of them except this one here.
(to Laura)
What do you say? Let’s extend your out of office?
LAURA
Why not? What have I got to loose.
END
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A cross between Iris Apfel, Miriam Margoles, Lucille Ball. But I am a devoted maximalist through and through. Although, as another inspiration once said
Style—all who have it share one thing: originality.
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