NOVEMBER PLAYWRITING CHALLENGE

November 3 

“A decades long friendly rivalry soon becomes a little more complicated… “

Popular culture of all forms is littered with variations on this theme – what’s your favorite?  

Now write your own version.

SCENE 1

(We open in a wedding venue somewhere in the northeast. It’s fall. It’s beautiful. We are here for the wedding of PAUL and LEON. They are decorating the space.)

PAUL

(He has ribbon in his hand)

I’m still upset you didn’t let me have the wedding colors I wanted. 

(Doing a Steel Magnolias impression.)

I just ADORE blush and bashful!

LEON

Babe we’re trying to break stereotypes not reinforce them. 

PAUL

Steel Magnolias is not stereotype, it is the history of our people.

LEON

(He kisses him.)

Thank you for spreading culture to the masses. What time is it?

PAUL

And when are the motherships getting here?

LEON

(Looks at phone)

Looks like your mother’s plane landed about 30 minutes ago. And according to find my friend my mother should be here…Any minute.

PAUL

It’s so bizarre to me that you share locations with your mother. My mother barely keeps her cell phone on. 

LEON

She cares and I care about where she is. Especially since my dad died.

PAUL

So you don’t mind her knowing when we’re at the meat rack? Or out partying until 4am. 

LEON

I call her every day she’d find out anyway.

PAUL

I’m a little nervous about how I fit into this dynamic. How my hot mess of a mother and I fit into this dynamic.

LEON

(He pulls him closer)

I love you and I want to share my life with you. The rest will fall into place.

(They kiss again. In enters KITTY aka Katherine, Leon’s mother. She is very excited but also very chicly but very Talboty dressed. We’re talking very CT chic.)

KITTY

Knock knock! Am I late? Did I miss the wedding? It looks like I missed the wedding or else we seem to be skipping to the ending!

LEON

Hi Mom! 

(They greet each other)

KITTY

Hello darling! And this handsome figure must be Paul! My stars you are dashing. Leon just look at this man of yours! I’m sure he is quite the hit at The Meat Rack.

PAUL

(Quietly to Leon)

I told you she was tracking you!!!

KITTY

I don’t judge though love is love. Baby you were born this way! That’s Lady Gaga

BOTH BOYS

WE KNOW.

KITTY

Of course you already know, that’s like your MOTHA isn’t it. Except I am your MOTHA. But really Paul. I hope you come to think of me as a second mother. And I’m really looking forward to meeting yours.

(We hear a Darth Vader ringtone from her phone.)

KITTY

Oh what does he want. Will excuse me a second? That ass hole has outbid me again. 

(She leaves her luggage and walks offstage with her phone.)

PAUL

What just happened? 

LEON

Oh this has been going on forever. She collects Judith Leiber purses.

PAUL

You mean those crystal covered purses? Like the swan one Carrie gets given by Big that she hates?

LEON

Don’t mention that one in front of her, that’s a very valuable collection item. 

PAUL

So what does that have to do with the Star Wars ringtone and the quick exit?

LEON

She’s big into the Ebay scene and there’s this rival buyer “StuffWontGetYouIntoHeaven55” that is constantly up her ass and bidding on the items she wants. You know? Driving up the price. 

PAUL

To think these are the things our generation will have to miss never being able to retire. 

LEON

But she hates this person, that’s why she assigned that ringtone. 

ROBERTA

(Offstage)

I know where I’m going my son is getting married here.

(Enters)

There’s my guy!

(ROBERTA is Paul’s mother. She is dressed in bright colors. A torn up pair of jeans. Her luggage is an assortment of mismatched duffel bags)

LEON

Mom! You made it! 

ROBERTA

Sorry it took me so long I was having a long chat with with the cab driver he’s having marital problems. Then I had some business to attend to. Will you look at this place? Jesus this is fancy. I hope you don’t think I’m paying for this.

LEON

(terse)

No we’re paying for it don’t worry. Mom, this is Paul.

PAUL

How do you…

ROBERTA

(She’s gone over to him and grabbed him into a tight hug. Then kisses him roughly on the lips)

Honored to meet you young man.

LEON

Oh my God.

PAUL

Oh…nice to meet you as well. How was your flight? 

ROBERTA

It was as to be expected in this hellscape we live in. I was practically poured into a middle seat. The vegan options for food were subpar.

LEON

Mom you’re not vegan.

ROBERTA

And the movie selections? Disgusting. Why does everything look like AI these days? 

LEON

Well we’re just glad you’re here. 

ROBERTA

I am too sweetheart. It’s not every day your only child gets married…to a man…no I’m cool with it. Honestly  it’s uped my street cred at group, me being a PFLAG mom. I’m proud…and happy to be here. 

(Her phone dings)

Will you excuse me a second? I want to use the bathroom and freshen up?

(She leaves.)

LEON

I’m so sorry. She’s so much.

PAUL

I love her because I love you.

KITTY

(reenters)

Well that’s that. For now. It’s never for long. 

PAUL

Leon’s mom just got here and I can’t wait for you to meet her.

KITTY

I’m ecstatic to meet her. 

(Roberta reenters. She has her phone in her hand.)

LEON

Kitty, this is my mother, Roberta.

PAUL

Roberta, this is my mother, Kitty.

(Roberta pulls Kitty in for another tight hug.)

ROBERTA

I’m so happy to meet you, my gosh you are one fancy lady. Will you just give me one second to finish this. 

(she presses enter on her phone. Suddenly we hear the same Star Wars ringtone play from Kitty’s phone. Leon and Paul look horrified)

END